(To protect the identify of the individuals, they will have false name(s))
Depressed. Anxious. Alone. Over. Questioning. Miserable. Those were the things that I and a girl named Jewls were feeling that night and how it changed my life forever.
School. Boring. Tired. Through out the day I trudged across the OVMS campus throughout the day. I was so excited to go back home and relax on my heart warming bed. As, I returned home after a long day I crawled toward the oasis they call a shower before deciding to go to sleep. “Buzz Buzz” my phone vibrates as I was about to take off my shirt; looking down I notice it’s a text from Jewls. Wondering, why would she text me because we hardly spoke with each other even though we hung out in the same clique. The text read “Hey Christian… I really need to talk to you.” At this, I was legitimately confused to why she would ever need to sereously talk to me, especially something that seems important. I replied “whats up are you ok?” Not quite sure what to expect, it shocks me to see what she texts back…
Jewls is a beautiful girl. She has luscious blonde hair, sparkling green and bright gray changing eyes, an amazing smile that anybody would fall in love with; and looks fairly womanly for her age. But inside of her, most people wouldn’t believe that there is not a care in the world for her but… truly was not the case. Inside, she was broken and her heart and mind were someplace that nobody should experience or feel in life just like Odysseus had in the Odyssey. Jules had been doing terrible things to her herself for some time and nobody would have guessed it. After time passed, somebody caught wind of what she was doing to herself. His name was Jose Franko.
Jose and Jewls were very close at that time; almost like brother and sister. They both talked to one another frequently and could talk about anything and everything with each other without having that awkward feeling that a typical teenager would get when talking to another. In the beginning, when he first acknowledged Jewls problem, he decided to keep quiet about it until the right opportunity came. Once Jose decided about the right time to talk about her situation, he confronted her in a way that he thought that Jules would have the most time to think about her answer, by text. This was the worst solution to go about this and he regretted this through our his life. He simply wrote, “how are you?” She responded with the typical Hey, im fine how are you lol :). They talked to how they would normally talk to each other with some whatcha doin and hows your day and want to hang out. After some time, Jose decided that it was about time to ask about what's really up with her.
I was talking to Jewls about her cuts on her arm, while it was roughly 6:00 pm. She was a little hesitant at first but she gave in once she realized I was only trying to help her with her problem. She asked me to call her so she could hear my comforting voice instead of hiding behind a screen. When she picked up, I weirdly thought she was having an orgasm. What was really happening though was that she was sobbing hard with tears with her best friend Sierra. Shee told me everything about her cuts, including why she was doing them. She claimed that Daphnie had been saying some terrible things about her. I was dating Daphnie and we had recently broke up with each other, and was a little furious about this news. I confronted my ex about what Jules said which was an extremely retarded decision. Daphnie denied all accusations that she said by Jewls. After the conversation, which quickly got out of out of hand, she asked Jules why she would ever think that about her or say that to Jules. After the conversation with Daphnie, she said she told me that it was over and that she never wanted to speak to each other again. Jules was so humiliated and enraged at me and this was the first time a girl ever said that to me, and it hurt. To get my mind off of what just happened to me, I checked Instagram. Scrolling throughout I noticed that Jacqueline (Daphnie’s Friend) had posted hateful and completely untrue statements about me. Apparently, the comments there were examples of propaganda such as you ruined her life and and so many others already and she was acting like i was the biggest ******* in the world. It was very stressful but luckily I had my best bud by my side the whole time, Christian. From the orgasms on the phone to the tears in the end. He helped me through it all.
“Christian, I have nobody to talk to about this except you… Today the boys on the bus ride home saw my scars and started to make fun of me about them. I’m really depressed and I’ve been drinking and I feel like i want to start cutting again and you're the only one who i can talk to you about this right now.. I feel really dizzy” “Oh my god” I whispered. I was so shocked and startled that she would start doing those terrible things again. Hastily, I sent the fastest text I ever sent in my life. Julie I am here for you but right now i need you to go and take a nap because i you shouldn't be doing anything if youve been drinking. She texts back with thanks christian I’m il lay down for a little. After what seemed about 2 hours (An eternity to me) Jewls sends me a message back.
I took a nap like you said, and I feel a little bit less dizzy. thankyou. and also i want you to promise something.. that you can not tell Jose what happened no matter what.. you have to promise me. please.
I was a blind man not knowing what to think. I was questioning, just questioning and wondering why she didn’t want me tell my best friend and her best guy friend, or used to be best guy friend. Making the stupidest mistake that I ever have done in my life, I selflessly agreed to her and I promised that i would never tell Jose about it. EVER. At that moment of promising her, fear was controlling my actions and what answers. Every action, every text, felt like my self control of what I was doing was ebbing away. We kept on talking to one another throughout the night attempting to bring some warmth to her. At this point, I didn’t know what to do. Either keep on helping her with the her problems by myself or get a professional to help her but, i promised her that i would not tell anybody especially Jose. I didn't know that if I told anybody that it would have such detrimental consequences to me and Jules mentally. So, like a absent minded child I was, I believed that Jose could help me and help her with her problems. I broke that promise with her and I shouldn’t have or even promised her.. Jose saw the text and was just as shocked and awed as I was when i told him all about what happened. Jose decided to send a simple text message to Jewls “hey we need to talk.” After that message sent and received, Jewls instantly knew that I told him, the promise that she believed that I would keep.
I TRUSTED YOU AND YOU PROMISED THAT YOU WOULD NEVER TELL ANYBODY!!!! ESPECIALLY JOSE!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID THAT YOU ******* DID THAT YOU ****!!! I HATE YOU AND I WISH THAT YOU WOULD DISAPPEAR AND I NEVER WANT TO SEE YOU EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!
That was the last text message that I heard from her for the longest of times…
Depressed. Anxious. Alone. Over. Done. Questioning. Miserable. Those were the things that I and a girl named Jules were feeling that night.
After that, I didn’t know what to think. So many memories quickly came back to me and it took minutes to realize what I did. It hurt. It was the biggest emmotional impact that a pre teanager could experience. I didn’t know if I just killed someone… someone that I knew somebody that I was starting to care about.
I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t believe it. Every scenario rushing through my brain like wild fire. What if she wasn’t there tomorrow. I didn’t want to think about it, and i couldn’t stop
The next day I had to find out what happened to her and I was anxious. Anxiety and adrenaline were the only things that i was running on being wide awake. Jose and I ride the same bus and we sit next to each other. When I sat down next to him we didn’t speak a word to each other because we already knew what we both were thinking, like we were connected and could hear one another’s thoughts. It seemed what like ages until we finally got to the school to search for her. We rushed through the crowds bull dowsing anybody down seeking for her. Then we saw it, we saw a heartbroken, no a destroyed heart. And when she saw and identified that it was us, anger and hate replaced despair and mourning. Instantly, what i was feeling intensified by 10 and my heart was not also racing but screaming inside, like a man watching his family die in front of his eyes. Honestly, I couldn’t tell who was hurting the most, me or her. I wanted to go up and do something. Anything. But i couldnt. I was frozen. Frozen as the hard concrete below me. Frozen like a piece of gum, stuck to the floor like glue. I couldn’t do it. Just staring right at one another; at each other’s soul, down to the bone. She couldn’t take it, nor could I for another second. We lose our eye contact for those brief seconds that felt like days. The last thing that I saw of her that day was right then and there, tears of pain and pure hate ran down the face that I cared about.
It was over. Our friendship. Jose’s chance to redeem himself. All of it, gone and blown away in the wind. We never spoke to one another again and every day, every day, I wish I could go back. This is how my life changed from being a not caring boy, who didn't know the life in the real world, to a man who is cautious and thinks before making a leap of faith.
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